It has been a really long time since I last blogged...
Almost two years in fact.
I had kind of given up on blogging because I didn't think that I was very good at it. But, I was encouraged to give it another shot, so here we go:
It is kind of funny how a little moment in time can completely change you. I had one of those moments in September of 2015.
About a month after my last blog post, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma and everything suddenly stopped.
On a Friday in September, I went to the doctor because the acid reflux and wicked cough I had been battling all summer was only getting worse. I nearly passed out while driving from a vicious coughing fit and figured it was time to press the doctor for more testing since I couldn't walk more than 50 feet without getting winded. I went in at about 4:30, his last appointment for the day and he listened to my chest. Immediately, he said something was wrong and sent me down to get x-rays.
Given the timing, he said that he would call me on Monday with the results and I should really just take it easy over the weekend. So, I went down and did the x-rays and headed home to take care of my kids. About the time I made it home, he called me. That was when he told me I needed to head directly to the hospital, they were waiting for me and if I couldn't leave immediately, I needed to call an ambulance. Luckily, my wife was close to home and my father-in-law was able to watch the kids. Away we went, scared out of my mind.
After the many blood tests, scans, breathing treatments, discussions, I was worn out. My wife was worn out. I missed my kids terribly. I had found out that my left lung had completely collapsed and the right one was not too far off from the same fate. Pneumonia was the most likely source and that was why they kept testing my blood. They had tested for some 40 different things, but hadn't nailed it down just yet.
We didn't really have anything to do but hang out and speculate what was going to happen. I could tell she was exhausted and needed a break, so I sent my wife home to shower and relax for a bit. That is when the doctor came in.
It was Sunday morning. He walked in, grabbed a chair, moved it next to my bed and put his hands in his lap. I specifically remember him putting his hands together and taking a deep breath. He didn't even need to say anything, I knew what he was going to say. Everything stopped.
All alone in my room, I did not cry, I really just did nothing but wait for my wife to get back. We had talked and I told her what happened. I was really more worried about her driving back to the hospital in distress than I was with the news I had just received.
At this point, I wanted to run out of there as fast as I could (which was not very fast given that I only had one working lung), but they needed to confirm through biopsy what we already knew. So more waiting. The following morning, a series doctors and surgeons assessed their options about which lymph node to take. They could go down into my chest and grab one or cut the large swollen golf ball out of my neck. By the afternoon, they decided to take it out of my neck.
I wanted to get out and go home as soon as possible. All I wanted to do was get home and escape this nightmare situation. I was trapped in a bed with a breathing tube and other cords attached to me, unable to get up without letting someone know. I have never been one to sit around. I like to do stuff. This was making me claustrophobic. I had things to do. I had a new job and sub plans to make for a class that was only in its infancy.
Once the surgery was finished and the funny video was made of me all doped up singing "Don't Speak" by No Doubt, I was sent home.
I had to wait 3-5 days to get confirmation on my diagnoses. More sitting and waiting, but at least I was home and able to take care of my responsibilities. I was getting so anxious. The fifth day was my 31st birthday and I did not want to get that news on my birthday. I was absolutely miserable and a wreck. On the fourth day, at 5:10, I got the call that confirmed I had cancer.
After that, everything started moving really fast. On my birthday, I saw my new Oncologist, got a bone marrow biopsy (single most painful thing I have ever experienced) and laid out a treatment plan. Within 2 weeks, I was officially a patient. Every two weeks after that, I would go and sit in a chair while chemicals that could easily kill someone were pumped into my body for four long hours. It was a great time to take what I called a "chemo nap". I also had my lung drained of almost two liters of fluid. Four months later, I started daily radiation. 6 minutes of sitting in a tube listening to KSHE and the machine spinning all while pinned under a mask that made it impossible to even move. I got to do this every day. This month was the worst for me. I was able to work again, but the radiation did a serious number on me in a lot of ways, making it a struggle to get out of bed and carry on.
Finally, I was in remission. Still recovering in a lot of ways, but I had made it to that glorious word. Remission.
3-4 more months and I was finally able to say that I was myself again. My hair was back and thicker than ever. My weight was back to normal. I had an appetite and energy to actually do stuff again. The whole thing was mostly over except for the "scanxiety" that came every 3-6 weeks when I had to see the doctors.
I am now so far into remission that just yesterday I completely forgot that I had a doctors appointment next week. Life is good again and that chapter of my life is pretty much closed.
Since that day in September a lot of things have happened and I have a lot to be grateful for, but I'll just stick to the professional side.
I have the best job in the entire world. I get to help students and teachers achieve more, create more, and explore more. The innovation program we have created has become a raging success. I really believe that what we are doing makes everyone involved better. This year, I will be taking the program to our newest K-5 school and expanding the class to be a full on Lab that allows me to work with teachers more and thus give our students more exciting opportunities.
I have made so many new friends through my PLN. I have gotten the opportunity to share what I do and my ideas to so many more people. I have been able to connect with people all over, experience the latest and greatest technologies, share my love for creating with students and teachers alike.
When I took this job and then immediately got sick, it was like a shot to the gut. I finally found something that I was really good at and I couldn't even do it.
To make my experience a bit more mythical, it is like a phoenix. I had to be taken down a peg or two to grow and be better. I had to change my mentality or my mindset in order to literally survive.
I made it a point when I was sitting in the hospital, alone, waiting for my wife to get there that I was going to be the most positive person I could be. No matter what came at me, no matter how bad, I would keep my head up and smile as I pointed out the silver lining. That decision has had such a profound impact on me. That little decision is why I am still here and one thing that has helped me to be much more successful. My mindset is how I got through some of the darkest moments in my life. That little moment in time is what makes me who I am today.
